This year has been a struggle, but for the first time in a long time, it's been a struggle in the right direction.I went back to work in February of this year and reminded myself how much I love to be productive and helpful. The past month or so has been stressful, because I was hired as a temporary employee, but they would like to keep me as a permanent employee. Unfortunately, it's a nonprofit organization which is limited by a very tight budget (aren't they all?) and a board of directors with some big decisions to make. So, our five kinds of krazy are hunkered down waiting to see if I remain employed.
Later this week, our oldest daughter will reach one full year since she last cut herself. (She doesn't know it yet, but we're celebrating with a pull-apart cake. No cutting!!!) Our son is preparing for his first year of middle school and has matured so much this summer! He's far more ready to go to middle school than I am for him to go.
Both of them have been through a lot this year and are managing to come out the other side much stronger and more confident than before. Their grandmother (on mom's side) passed away earlier this year, causing their mother to relapse and spend a month in rehab. Their estranged grandfather (on dad's side) passed away before they had a chance to get to know him. Our daughter finally came forward about an assault that happened two years ago and is starting to heal. Our son told his mother he wanted her to "get better" before she came back to visit so she wouldn't keep disappearing.
Our youngest is struggling to adjust to being a "medium little kid" and accept the idea of going into first grade without her best friend in the whole world. Their kindergarten teacher decided they should be in separate classrooms so they would not distract each other. That, combined with my working outside the house for the first time in her life, has made for a very emotional and difficult year.
My husband is still struggling with Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. His application for Social Security disability was denied after the fourth appeal, because "although his ability to perform the functions of his job are significantly impaired, there are other avenues of employment he can pursue." Basically, he may not be able to function as a manager, but he could stock shelves as long as other people weren't involved. (Talk about a blow to your self-esteem.)
As usual, the struggles are real. But the wonderful part of this past six months is how incredibly normal the struggles have been. We have begun to enjoy a normalcy I thought impossible just a year ago. We talk to each other as a family. We turn to each other for support. We fight and argue, laugh and tease, and just generally live our lives together. We've constructed a solid foundation and are starting to build upward.
When I take the time to stop and think about it, I'm inordinately pleased and relieved. I can't wait to see where it goes.
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