Those little moments.

          Most of my posts are about some pretty heavy stuff. That's because most of the stuff our family deals with everyday gets pretty heavy. We have five kinds of crazy in the house and borrow new kinds from other people almost daily. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's always interesting.

          This weekend we had a perfect family moment. 

          My husband and I have started pointing these out to each other so we never risk missing one. They are rare and precious, especially after a particularly hard week. They may only last a few minutes, or like Saturday, they can last several hours. It is vital to our family that we recognize them and appreciate them when they happen. 

First, some background...

          Our city hosts a Flag Day Parade every year, and I swear there are as many people marching in it as are watching it. But the kids LOVE being part of it and have an absolute blast marching down the main street waving and high-fiving the crowd. 

          Last year, our then-9-year-old son participated as part of the track club. We didn't yet know he had Asperger's, and we didn't understand the different way his brain works. There was a lot of chaos as hundreds of children ranging in age from 5 to 14 waited impatiently for the marching to start. 

          The crowd was screwing with my OCD. He was hyper. I was incredibly self-conscious. His older sister was trying to be the center of attention. And our youngest (only 4 years old) was too young to make the trek across town. My husband took her to meet us at the end of the parade where we would eventually gather for the fireworks display. 

          We arrived at the field and all five of us collected our Hoodsie ice creams and bottled water before staking out a spot in the field. Our oldest daughter couldn't wait to get away from us and visit with her friends. The younger two were chomping at the bit to run around in the field with other track club kids. And by that point, we were so stressed out, my husband and I said okay. 

          Then our littlest one wandered into the crowd and disappeared. 

          In reality, she was only gone about 20 minutes. It felt like a lifetime. We looked away for only a minute, and she had wandered into the crowd in the wrong direction. 

          Of course, our cell phone batteries were dead, and we had no way to communicate with each other if we split up looking for her. We decided to gather the older kids so my husband headed off to find our oldest daughter, while I continued to call out for our little one. I was afraid to move in case she came looking for us. Our son came over to find out what all the yelling was about. He offered to help look, but he was only 9, and I was afraid he would get lost, too. 

          After the longest 20 minutes of my life, I saw my little girl slowly walking toward me, tears streaming down her face, still looking around desperately for Momma.

          I ran to her and picked her up, and I held on for dear life. Her brother jumped up and down a few times because she was back, then in true Asperger's fashion, asked if he could go play again. (I said no.) My husband and our other daughter came back, and we were all reunited. 

          But I had been terrified, and so now I was irritable. The evening ended up being tense and uncomfortable for everyone. We arrived home that night overtired, stressed out, irritable, and full of bad attitudes. 

This year...

          I was a little nervous about the parade this year, but there were several differences. First, our odd little family has now been together for over a year, and we know we'll be together from now on. (We have the court paperwork to prove it.) 

          Second, all three of the children participate in community sports. The oldest is a cheerleader, and the younger two are members of the track club. They know people in town and feel a sense of belonging that was missing last year. 

          Third, the past year with the kids in school have helped us get to know other parents and start to become part of our community. I don't feel nearly as self-conscious walking among a crowd of people I know. 

          As a result, we had a fabulous evening that will stick with us for a long while. 

          My husband and I walked hand-in-hand behind our two youngest children, who proudly waved their flags and gave high-fives to adults and children alike along the parade route. Our oldest daughter and her best friend teamed up with the recycling robot behind us and handed out free pencils promoting the benefits to our city for increasing our recycling efforts. We all wore matching t-shirts, smiled, and waved to people we knew in the crowd.

          At the field, we laid out our blanket and sat together to eat our ice cream and drink our water bottles. We played with glow sticks as the sun went down, and we lay together on the blanket to watch the fireworks display and listen to the patriotic music piped in through the loud speakers. The kids were smiling and laughing. We were smiling and laughing. It was magical.

          These moments help me realize how solidly we are becoming a family despite the problems we have faced, the obstacles placed in our way, and the insecurities we each feel in different ways. 

I love my family.