What kind of mother ARE you? Make a #Mommitment.

What kind of mother are you? 

          I hear this phrase on a continuous loop running through the back of my head. I imagine I hear it every time I’m at the grocery store with my children, attending a school function, or herd my kids onto the bus for their therapy appointments. No matter what other people think of me, I know deep down I’m my own worst critic.

          These feelings of being judged stem from my own insecurities coupled with the current trend of women quite vocally expressing their opinions about other women’s parenting.

          Let me let you (and me) in on a little secret.

          It’s okay to disagree. We don’t all need to parent the exact same way, because we don’t all have the exact same kids, lifestyle, income, or needs. There is no simple answer. We are complicated people attempting to raise complicated people in a complicated world. It’s messy and chaotic, loud and hyperactive. Because, so is life.

          So, the next time I’m asked, “What kind of mother are you,” here is my response…

I am 41 years old.

I have a Bachelors degree in Business earned two years ago (finally!) after several false starts.

I do not have a traditional job.

I am building a business as an face and body artist.

I have five children and two grandchildren.

I am married to a wonderful man who struggles with severe, debilitating depression and cannot work.

We do not have a car.

We rely on public transportation or walk everywhere we need to go.

I have a son who is getting married to a girl I haven't met yet.

I have a grandson turning two years old I have not seen in person.

We can't afford the cost of traveling the 500+ miles to see them.

I have a step-daughter who struggles (and sometimes loses) against urges to self-harm.

I have a step-son recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome whom we are desperately trying to learn to understand.

They have a mother who regularly disrupts our lives because of her struggle with alcoholism and mental illness.

I have a 5 year old starting Kindergarten in the fall who thinks all this is "normal."

I have blue hair.

When I walk into that parent meeting or school function, I am acutely aware of all these things, and I hear the softest whisper, real or imagined, "What kind of mother ARE you?"

I wonder if I measure up.

I don't feel good enough as I sit in my jeans and t-shirt and watch the "normal" parents show up a few minutes late wearing appropriate business attire and apologizing because "traffic was bad," or "my meeting ran over."

I have to consciously remind myself what kind of mother I am.

I send text messages and reach out on Facebook to connect with my far away children and their families.

I get involved at the schools so I can be available if my step-son has a bad day.

I send emails and make phone calls to keep communication open with my step-daughter's teachers and friends and try to stop her from hurting herself.

I schedule weekly therapy appointments for all five members of my household so we can learn to overcome our personal challenges.

I walk to track practice and cheer-leading practice, sporting events and school events, concerts and school plays so our children can pursue their dreams.

I walk my youngest daughter to drop-in school readiness groups to be sure she has been socialized enough to join her peers in school.

I set boundaries and teach lessons.

I lose my temper, then apologize for being human.

I hug my children and tell them I love them whenever I can.

I try not to lose myself in the details, but I don't always succeed.

I try to be true to myself, express myself, take time for myself and remember that I am more than "just a mother."

I am a mother doing the best I can with what I've got.

Just like you.

If you also are tired of the constant critique of your parenting skills…

If you also want to be surrounded by women who embrace each other and learn from each other rather than break each other down…

Then Make a Mommitment! and join the hundreds of other moms who have vowed to be the change they want to see in this world.

https://www.change.org/p/moms-make-a-mommitment